<![CDATA[ Maddie's Mad Hatters - Let's Blog About It]]>Sun, 18 Mar 2018 18:10:51 -0700Weebly<![CDATA[Cherishing your spouse]]>Fri, 08 Jul 2016 11:33:24 GMThttp://maddiesmadhatters.com/lets-blog-about-it/cherishing-your-spouseSometimes its easier for me not to talk way too much about Seth, as I have found it has made me more depressed..but I do think about him everyday..
Especially with all the animals I now have, the farm started..how much Seth would have loved this life so much.
He was such a goofball!
He loved goats. Every time we went out doing the LE work, when we drove around the countryside, passing a herd of them, he would always jokingly refer to him being a part of their furry family.
...He was a bit of a wooly booger(a nickname I jokingly called him sometimes) and silly just like they can be lol
I do want to share memories of him, so that some can see Seth in that last few years of his life...what a difference God made in his life.
How much he lit up when he shared to others about God...it was like a miracle drug to his depression!
Another wonderful thing about him was he loved to cook, especially greek type foods like homemade pita,hummus,and a feta chickpea salad.
He would always always make my plate first wherever we were, be it at meetings etc...if I had Josiah, he would make sure I was taken care of.
That's just how he was..
Marriage wasn't perfect, it was hard, especially battling his mental illness, but...I would go through ALL of it with him, if I could have him back.
Cherish your marriages and don't let frivolous things get in between each of you.
Don't let the world sway you with its temptations of something better..marriage is SUCH a blessing.
Being a Christian isn't easy...and its just like marriage.
You have to fight every day to keep that connection.
To keep that love..
Love your spouse today.. cherish them.
Life is fragile.
<![CDATA[The stigma of mental illness]]>Mon, 27 Jun 2016 13:43:42 GMThttp://maddiesmadhatters.com/lets-blog-about-it/the-stigma-of-mental-illness​For many years, my husband fought the stigma and battle of mental illness.
The last few years of his life, he was able to strive ahead, with freeing himself from the snares of drug addiction, and finding hope in a hopeless world.
But the battle wasnt over, and was really hard for him as obstacle after obstacle kept getting thrown into his path.
I cant tell you how many green smoothies and power foods I poured down him to help him cope with his anxiety/depression.
He would laughingly look at the concoction I made him and question what I was "slipping" inside it this time.
Yet, those many things he ate and drank made a huge impact on how he felt.
The best times for Seth was the times he was eating right and spending alot of time outside in the fresh air.
For me, I will remember him always with his earphones in his ears, listening to either Hillsong or an audioverse, a carpenters pencil behind his ear, nails jingling in his pocket, as he lined and cut pallets for his next project.
Those were the times Seth found true peace and happiness.
The moments he was free from his mental illness and was able to build things..
Unfortunately, between all the obstacles he kept dealing with, every time he started to get hope..another thing happened..another leading him into the grasps of depression.
The day we went to see a doctor, they prescribed him the meds that triggered him into slipping away...I wont ever forget that day.
He wanted to get better..he wanted to not battle this infliction anymore.
But in the end..it isnt a pill that will cure your all.
Yes, there are mental illnesses that need medication..for Seth..he was just given the wrong ones.
The thing is, it isnt just a pill that will be your healing but also the lifestyle you lead.
The devil will continue to throw many things into your path to discourage you..make you feel worthless. But you arent worthless..your a jewel in Gods eyes.
You are so special to him that he knows the very numbers of hairs on your head.
The promises that He gives in His word, brings us hope and encouragement in a dark world.
Unfortunately, with the battle Seth endured, he lost that hope that he had found and the world swallowed him up.
Drugs seeped back into his life, causing further hopelessness and loss.
The best thing for Seth was fresh air,excercise,diet, and of course God.
How could he have that with the things that had slipped back into his life.
We cant hold hands with God and the devil at the same time.
Seth knew this..but was so desperate to find relief from the anxiety..and with paxil hindering his mental reasoning..the drugs won the battle over my husbands life.
But it isnt over yet..another life can be saved through Seths life.
Another life can be helped by the things Seth did BEFORE he was prescribed Paxil.
The healing powers of living the right life with God in the picture..I witnessed that with my husband..and plan to share that path with others battling this very battle.
Seth is resting now until Jesus comes..then as the trumpets shall sound, the dead in Christ shall rise first, then we will follow them up into the sky to our Maker..and there will be no more pain, sorrow, or tears..the old things shall pass away.(1 thessalonians4:16,17/Revelation 21:4/2 Corinthians 5:17)
So until then..it is time to share YOUR story to help others in need.
This world needs HOPE..
Do you wish perhaps there was something you could have done to have reached out to my husband, if you were the ones that knew him?
It isnt too late...there is someone out there this very minute you can help right now.
<![CDATA[Reunion..]]>Wed, 15 Jun 2016 10:52:01 GMThttp://maddiesmadhatters.com/lets-blog-about-it/reunion​As I shared on my earlier blog, Seth had left me a note a few months prior to when he passed.
I cant even tell you how many times I have read it..over and over and over.
The one thing he left me at the end, gives me the hope of the Seth I knew.
That even amidst his brokenness and falling away towards the end..he still clung to God.
A part me wonders if he was a bit like I was when I battled addiction 10 years ago. ...
To me, towards the end, I drank and did drugs to drown out the pain inside.
I didn't want to be a addict and I didn't want to be away from my family...so I would drink myself to an oblivion to take it all away.
I am not saying that that's good thing.
If I had continued that path of destruction, I most likely wouldn't be here today.
There is NOTHING good that can come out of that lifestyle..trust me.
I partied from 17yrs old till I was almost 25yrs old.
In fact, I am just celebrating being clean 10 years!
I found myself the day I walked away from that life..I found the joy in cooking, homemaking, sewing,crocheting,knitting,animals,and so much more.
I became a new and better person..a better parent,sister,and daughter.
There is ONE person who can help you through this..God.
I walked away completely and never turned back.
I haven't had drugs in 10yrs, drinking in 5yrs.
I miss my husband greatly, but I know, amidst his battles of mental illness etc..he is now finally at rest until Jesus comes.
No longer battling this hard difficult world.
He loved God till the very end..like the thief on the cross, I know my husband desperately wanted the love only God could give.
This is what he ended with in his note...

"I will that they be with Me where I am,"
Thus prayed our Lord before Gethsemane.
Tis still the burden of His earnest plea.
O let us feel the yearning love that seeks
Reunion with the loved ones He counts most dear;
No longer loiter on the lighted way,
Diverted by sins favor or it's fear.
The pain our sins have brought to His heart,
The separation which those sins have made,
All shall be ended as His precious blood
Blots out all sin in those for whom He prayed.
O shall His prayer be answered?
Yea. Amen.
That we may be with Him
He comes again.
<![CDATA[One day at a time...]]>Wed, 15 Jun 2016 10:50:06 GMThttp://maddiesmadhatters.com/lets-blog-about-it/one-day-at-a-time​Each night, as I close my eyes, I whisper to myself, another day I have survived.
This is what it feels like to lose someone..each day seems like you are literally just trying to survive, and make it through.
The drifting off of sleep, bringing rest on a weary body and mind.
The loss of someone is palpable in your everyday experience.
Everywhere I look, I see my husband. ...
From grocery stores, to roads travelled, to food shared..
I made something the other day, and my first immediate thought was how Seth would have liked this.
He was my faithful guinea pig, trying everything I put in front of him no matter how weird it sounded.
I glance at my phone, waiting for a text from him that will never come.
We were apart when he passed away, but he always sent me texts, asking me how I was doing and how Jojo was doing..it was really hard being apart from him..but somehow just a text was enough.
I had prayed night and day for him..prayed he would get better and come home.
I never dreamed that this would be the ending to our story..for now.
It is the promise and hope that one day soon I will see him again, no longer sick, that keeps me moving a foot in front of the other.
I found a note he left me, the day of his memorial..the note sitting on my computer for 2 months..and when I clicked on it, planning to erase whatever it was and write something new..and it started out Jill,...

I had struggled the night before with God, asking why? Why didn't Seth leave me with anything?
If he said he loved me so much..why did he leave me grasping with nothing...but he did.
He did write me something 2 months prior..He was tired of running, tired of fighting mental illness.
He wanted peace.
It wasn't the right way, but for him, it was the answer.
He left behind children that needed him.
But for Seth, he couldn't grasp that concept..because he just was too broken.
This world is a hard place..trust me..the year I have been through between Josiah battling meningitis, then epilepsy..now my husband..in a year..yeah..this world is a hard place.
BUT I will not stop singing Gods praises, that even amidst this nightmare, God still has provided.
I have become close to Seths family and that in itself is a beautiful thing for me.
Seth will live on through his children and I will make sure to do all that Seth wanted to do to help others.
I know, through this, God will have something good come out of it.
He always does.
For God is in the business of saving..not for this world but for eternity.
<![CDATA[The battle is not over]]>Wed, 08 Jun 2016 12:43:52 GMThttp://maddiesmadhatters.com/lets-blog-about-it/the-battle-is-not-over​It seems so long ago, that night...but yet its only been a week.
Just as I was drifting off to sleep, my phone started to ring.
I saw my husbands name light the screen, and I reached over and hit mute.
I punched in that I was trying to sleep...and the message came back that it was important.
It was at that moment, my life changed forever.
The person on the other line telling me my husband was gone...he had taken his life.
Since then, there have been many phone calls and messages, people trying to figure out what could have happened, what could have prevented..why?
You see, the day my husband passed, my husband was no longer there anymore.
The Seth I knew, that I had married and said my vows to, had started to disappear last fall.
It was then that I began to lose my best friend,husband,and father to our son.
He had struggled his whole life and was beaten down so much during our marriage,trying to get ahead,but no matter what, couldnt.
Job after job, he struggled..so desperately wanting to help take care of his family..and he couldnt.
It was so hard on him because he loved us so much.
I know that..I do know that he loved Jojo and I deeply.
We had our highs and lows, but he was always faithful.
The day the doctor put him on paxil...was the day my husband started to drift away.
Seth and I had told them that it didn't help before, but they were insistent for him to try it.
Just looking at his facebook wall, I can see the difference from then to now.
The man I had versus the man that had changed so much.
Within weeks of going on paxil, his behavior changed and he started doing things he vowed he would never do again.
This is when I had no choice but to separate..and I was heart broken.
Within 7 months of going on paxil..my husband was gone.
He loved God so much..so many memories of times we had together doing Gods work as literature evangelists.
A late afternoon, one time, we sat around a group of people outside, talking of life, sharing the books. He was so happy then...
He loved telling them all about our garden, our son..those memories I will always hold close.
Another, a man crying in the elevator at childrens..I didn't see him crying as I was happily sharing some type of good news to my mom..but Seth did..and ask him if he was ok.
It was then the man shared his son was just diagnosed with bone cancer..only a few years old.
Seth shared some tracts with him and asked if we could pray with him..
Another time, an elderly woman insisted she didn't want to pray..but he asked was it ok if he prayed instead for her, even though she didn't want to..which she said that was fine.
As he prayed, I saw her close her eyes..sorrow masking her face, the defiance earlier, gone.
Before he left, he gave her his card, telling her if she ever needed anything, to call him.
I know God used Seth in a mighty mighty way those months he got to do work for Him.
That was the Seth I knew and loved so deeply.
The Seth that was so passionate about Christ and sharing it to others.
The enemy is working hard because I believe he knows the time is short.
I praise God that it is, because I am ready to go home.
I am ready to see our son healthy again,able to walk, laugh,and hold his hands out to his daddy.
To see Seth smiling that smile, free from mental illness and burdens...a joy only we can have through Christ.
For Seths next time he will see Jojo, it will be to see Jojo all better..not disabled anymore.
It had broke his heart so much to see our son struggle.
I cant wait to see that day..
Seth loved God..He did..and in his last weeks he asked me to pray for him even amidst the darkness..and I had been nonstop.
God knew Seths heart and He knew Seths struggle..and He knew what Paxil did to him..so I know Seth is in good hands with Christ.
He is at rest now until the day our Father comes to bring us home..he has no more cares or burdens heavy on his shoulders..and this helps to give me peace.
I believe deeply I will see my husband again soon.
“For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:”
1 Thessalonians 4:16
And I heard a voice from heaven saying, “Write this: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.” “Blessed indeed,” says the Spirit, “that they may rest from their labors, for their deeds follow them!”
Revelation 14:13
<![CDATA[Feelings of mourning]]>Fri, 27 May 2016 11:02:25 GMThttp://maddiesmadhatters.com/lets-blog-about-it/feelings-of-mourningHave you ever experienced a time(or many an my case) where God has humbled you?
First off, I use my blogs as a way to show the world that Christianity isnt always rainbows and sunshine. 
Life isnt always perfect...in fact it gets a whole lot harder when you decide to commit your life to Christ.
Life is messy...and you will fall a few times. 
Its a whole new life change..but well worth it. 
God continually is working on me..trying to perfect what I keep messing up. 
The potter trying to fix the clay..

When you go through a journey such as I have in the last year, you sing praises and you also cry out in sadness.
Your heart aches and you feel lost a lot of times.
There is an array of emotions that can go through you. 
I want to admit I was humbled a good bit this past week. 
I was angry...and honestly, in my heart, I knew it was devil trying to stir up emotions inside me of bitterness..when that is the complete opposite of Christ. 
It honestly was a silly thing, because I know now many people have been praying for Josiah...but at the time, when tragedy struck yet again..I felt alone. 
Yes, I had my family...but the first two weeks of Josiah's infantile spasms..feelings started to sift into my mind that a lot of people didn't really care because I didnt hear from that many people.
I know honestly, that isn't truth..but I am admitting my fault and also warning others that may go through tragedy..that the devil is very good..even in trying to put those kind of silly thoughts in your head.
My mother reminded me that people mourn differently..and people try to respect that, to give you space.
Not everyone is like me, who looks for comfort all around versus mourning alone. 
I felt like God had forgotten me among others.
I prayed and prayed..but things kept happening..my son kept seizing..and we were struggling so badly.
I tried to take things into my own hands..nothing changed..only more bitterness. 
I prayed and prayed..and God started speaking to me..telling me to stop and trust, to not be so bitter....and FINALLY did, after a great battle of tug of war, where I was the one doing all the tugging. 
I wasn't praying enough...
Then the flood gates opened..people I hadnt even seen in quite awhile, reached out with letters/emails/in person.
God humbled me. 
I guess what I am trying to say is that in tragedy, try to consider all the options..try to pray for understanding..instead of letting thoughts of bitterness or anger seep in. 
Your not as alone as you feel like you are. 
There are people out there praying for you..I promise!
When you mourn, so many different emotions go through you...anger being one of them. 
Just dont let it camp out with you..let it stop for a visit but keep on going. 
God is with you...ALWAYS

Isaiah 41:10 Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

<![CDATA[Forgiveness]]>Fri, 27 May 2016 11:00:52 GMThttp://maddiesmadhatters.com/lets-blog-about-it/living-through-a-divorceI have failed...in so many ways. To remember to show Christ in all I do even when I am torn inside and hurting.
How I wish at times I could take things back.
Make things better..but I know that you at a forgiving merciful God.
Lord I come to you today asking for guidance and wisdom in all I do.
Forgive my words of haste and help me to glorify you even in times when I feel betrayed.
Guide me and lead me..]]>
<![CDATA[YOU are loved]]>Sun, 14 Feb 2016 12:15:15 GMThttp://maddiesmadhatters.com/lets-blog-about-it/you-are-lovedYOU are loved.
You are so loved that someone took themselves from the abundance of a beautiful untainted life, to a world of poverty and ridicule.
If I had truly realized how loved I was and not spent so many years searching to be loved, how much anguish I could have spared myself.
We need to understand why people do what they do, instead of judging them.
For me, I kept looking for "love" in all the wrong places, leading to many unfortunate circumstances in my life. ...
Does that mean that God loves me less because of that?
Absolutely not.
Did Jesus not spare the woman at the wells life, beckoning her to Him, even though she had been living a life against his wishes?
Did he not spare Marys life from death of stoning, by showing that we are ALL tainted with sin..and unworthy to judge another.
Its a sad life, to search and search for love and constantly be left broken and in pain.
It doesn't just affect you either, but others around you.
If I could take the time I spent wasting, searching for love...and used it to love God, then sharing to others..wow I would have had ALOT of time with God.
Its sad, it doesn't just end with searching for the right spouse but also the right life or the perfect job, house, car,clothes...media..instead of learning more about how much He loves us.
I think life would be SO much better if we redirected what we think we want to what God wants for us.
If we but spend time in His word everyday, using it to learn more about Him, then also redirecting it to others..helping them when they are struggling or need help, I think we would have a lot less problems in life.
We would be a lot happier also.
My life is in a bit of a mess right now..but I have no one to blame but myself.
I cant blame God..it isn't His fault.
So my words today of "wisdom" is to say several times a day..less me more Him.
Let me live my life for Jesus and not for myself.
Let me learn about this person who laid down His life for me...because no truer form of love is someone who would die on the cross for my sins.
<![CDATA[What is normal?]]>Mon, 19 Oct 2015 11:40:58 GMThttp://maddiesmadhatters.com/lets-blog-about-it/what-is-normalThere is no amount of books you can read to truly prepare you for being a first time mom. 
I remember reading all these books...and when I had Austin, my first diaper change, I managed to spray my best friend in the middle of it. 
Good memories..
Its the same with Josiah,,,you would think with baby number 3, I would be a pro at this. 
Sure, there are age gaps, but hey, its like riding a bike, once you change over a 100 diapers, you should have it down. 
It didnt happen this time...
Josiah became sick, had brain damage..now mobility difficulties and seizures. 
He isnt what you would call a "normal" baby. 
I thought we had come to a normalcy with life, but then he started having seizures again...totally different ones then what he had before. 
Then, after a week,,,it finally smoothed out...to now he is doing something completely new..and I have no idea what it is. 
I panic while Seth is able to stay calm. 
Its scary...and again, I have this utterly helpless feeling...that there is nothing I can do..but wait for it to subside. 
I keep saying...why God..why..
Cant we just get to a level point where this storm can subside?
I imagine Job felt the same way. 
He lost EVERYTHING...all his children, provisions...everything. 
Then his health was attacked. 
Yet, amidst all the storms in his life, he kept his eyes upward. 
Why love a God who would allow such things?
Because, its not really God but sin that is doing this...and if he didnt keep his eyes upward..he would have no hope.
What is life without hope?
My hope is this is just TEMPORARY. 
My baby will be just fine someday..this journey is just a stepping stone to a better eternity. 
If this helps us grow someway, somehow...and become closer to God..to prepare us for whats ahead..then so be it. 
I know God knows that bigger picture and wouldnt do anything to me to hurt me.
I know He has it all under control.
I just pray He comes soon...
I feel like a fish out of water here..I just want to go home.

He who testifies to these things says, "Yes, I am coming soon." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus
Rev 22:2

<![CDATA[Medicinal healing and activated charcoal]]>Sun, 18 Oct 2015 14:06:41 GMThttp://maddiesmadhatters.com/lets-blog-about-it/medicinal-healing-and-activated-charcoal
Im going to take you all on a new journey with me on medicinal healing. 
In Gods word, it tells us that our bodies are the temple of God...so shouldnt we treat it as such?
I am the first to say that yes, I indulge and eat things I am not supposed to eat at times, but I still try to mostly eat right. 
For in the end, you are what you eat. 
I am the first to tell you, I am not a pill popper. 
I do not like taking medicine at all, if I can avoid it. 
But, I do think, at times, it is needed.
The amazing thing, is that God has given us nature as our natural remedy. 
I hope to someday attend a place in wildwood to study more on medicinal healing when finances are available to do so..but for now, the internet is my friend.
Today, I want to share this amazing thing called activated charcoal.
From bad breath,teeth whitening, to gastritis..this is way to go. 
This power packed black stuff can absorb all types of bad toxins out of your body. 
You can drink it, brush your teeth with it, or pack it into a poultice.
.Charcoal has an absorbing effect because of the large surface area of individual grains, with their crevices and pores. Charcoal can adsorb many times its own weight in poisons, gases, and chemicals.
A tablespoon a day, mixed with a hot cup of water..sludge as I deem it...can cure that upset bloat thats been hanging around for weeks..and clear out all that bad stuff thats drifting around.
It even can help that baby with colic! 
Who would think such yucky black stuff could be so good. 
I have made a deal to drink a TB a day for a month to see how I would feel...as I battle with the occasional stomach issues etc.
Also, you have an inflamed area/wound..apply a poultice onto it for several days..and
it should suck up all that bad stuff and help it to heal.
Charcoal treatment can help with the following health problems: Inflammation, insect bites, mastitis, cellulites, phlebitis, pharyngitis, hepatitis, gastritis, colitis, peptic ulcers Bad breath Internal and external infections, certain types of skin problems, eye infections, eczema, poison ivy, staph infections, infected cuts oar lacerations, and herpes simples Accidental poisoning or overdoses Gastrointestinal problems, diarrhea, gas...even help with quitting any addictive issues such as alcohol,smoking,drugs..
Charcoal and Flaxseed
Three tablespoons of flaxseed (ground in blender or mill), one tablespoon charcoal, one cup of water. Mix and bring to a boil to thicken. Use as a poultice...if you dont have flaxseed, you can substitute it with oil.