I cant even tell you how many times I have read it..over and over and over.
The one thing he left me at the end, gives me the hope of the Seth I knew.
That even amidst his brokenness and falling away towards the end..he still clung to God.
A part me wonders if he was a bit like I was when I battled addiction 10 years ago. ...
To me, towards the end, I drank and did drugs to drown out the pain inside.
I didn't want to be a addict and I didn't want to be away from my family...so I would drink myself to an oblivion to take it all away.
I am not saying that that's good thing.
If I had continued that path of destruction, I most likely wouldn't be here today.
There is NOTHING good that can come out of that lifestyle..trust me.
I partied from 17yrs old till I was almost 25yrs old.
In fact, I am just celebrating being clean 10 years!
I found myself the day I walked away from that life..I found the joy in cooking, homemaking, sewing,crocheting,knitting,animals,and so much more.
I became a new and better person..a better parent,sister,and daughter.
There is ONE person who can help you through this..God.
I walked away completely and never turned back.
I haven't had drugs in 10yrs, drinking in 5yrs.
I miss my husband greatly, but I know, amidst his battles of mental illness etc..he is now finally at rest until Jesus comes.
No longer battling this hard difficult world.
He loved God till the very end..like the thief on the cross, I know my husband desperately wanted the love only God could give.
This is what he ended with in his note...
"I will that they be with Me where I am,"
Thus prayed our Lord before Gethsemane.
Tis still the burden of His earnest plea.
O let us feel the yearning love that seeks
Reunion with the loved ones He counts most dear;
No longer loiter on the lighted way,
Diverted by sins favor or it's fear.
The pain our sins have brought to His heart,
The separation which those sins have made,
All shall be ended as His precious blood
Blots out all sin in those for whom He prayed.
O shall His prayer be answered?
That we may be with Him
He comes again.