I remember reading all these books...and when I had Austin, my first diaper change, I managed to spray my best friend in the middle of it.
Its the same with Josiah,,,you would think with baby number 3, I would be a pro at this.
Sure, there are age gaps, but hey, its like riding a bike, once you change over a 100 diapers, you should have it down.
It didnt happen this time...
Josiah became sick, had brain damage..now mobility difficulties and seizures.
He isnt what you would call a "normal" baby.
I thought we had come to a normalcy with life, but then he started having seizures again...totally different ones then what he had before.
Then, after a week,,,it finally smoothed out...to now he is doing something completely new..and I have no idea what it is.
I panic while Seth is able to stay calm.
Its scary...and again, I have this utterly helpless feeling...that there is nothing I can do..but wait for it to subside.
I keep saying...why God..why..
Cant we just get to a level point where this storm can subside?
I imagine Job felt the same way.
He lost EVERYTHING...all his children, provisions...everything.
Then his health was attacked.
Yet, amidst all the storms in his life, he kept his eyes upward.
Why love a God who would allow such things?
Because, its not really God but sin that is doing this...and if he didnt keep his eyes upward..he would have no hope.
What is life without hope?
My hope is this is just TEMPORARY.
My baby will be just fine someday..this journey is just a stepping stone to a better eternity.
If this helps us grow someway, somehow...and become closer to God..to prepare us for whats ahead..then so be it.
I know God knows that bigger picture and wouldnt do anything to me to hurt me.
I know He has it all under control.
I just pray He comes soon...
I feel like a fish out of water here..I just want to go home.
He who testifies to these things says, "Yes, I am coming soon." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus